Empathetic Listening

A manager was meeting with a colleague of mine today. He was frustrated with one of his subordinates inability to listen to the feedback and guidance he was trying to give.

"I don't know man. It's like he's already got it all figured out. He keep's saying 'I know' and not doing what I ask," he told me. Visibly frustrated by the clear lack of communication.

He went on for about 15 minutes expressing his frustration in numerous different way's. we listened and reacted to let him know that we understood his point of view by empathizing with what he was telling me. Finally my manager asked him a question.

"So what do you think we should do?"

"I don't know. Sit down and talk I guess," he responded a little less emotionally than before.

"What are you going to say?"

"I have no idea..."

The opportunity to teach had come. Since he had been listened too - he was ready for some help in the matter. This colleague knew that we understood his point of view and he was ready to listen in return.

"Colleague," my manager started. "How about we look at it from the subordinates point of view. His prior experience is important to him. Where he came from is important to him. We can't disregard this and assume he will accept what we know as better. In essence we are telling him 'We are better.' and completely diminishing his previous experience in the process.  Even if it's true - that is not the point. Instead of breaking down that experience and belittling it, use it as a spring board to reach an even higher level by working with him to refine his knowledge and experience. Value and add to it. Redirect in private as to not embarrass him and ask for his opinion on certain matters"

I could see the light bulbs coming on. All of a sudden it wasn't about "me" or "I" - but the "we." It was about seeing things from another person's point of view. In that moment my colleague started down the long hard road to emotional maturity.

We can't expect all those around us to be clear communicators. That's what the leaders in this world are for. Step outside yourself and emphatically listen to those around you. In the process - you will become a leader.