A manager was meeting with a colleague of mine today. He was frustrated with one of his subordinates inability to listen to the feedback and guidance he was trying to give.
"I don't know man. It's like he's already got it all figured out. He keep's saying 'I know' and not doing what I ask," he told me. Visibly frustrated by the clear lack of communication.
He went on for about 15 minutes expressing his frustration in numerous different way's. we listened and reacted to let him know that we understood his point of view by empathizing with what he was telling me. Finally my manager asked him a question.
"So what do you think we should do?"
"I don't know. Sit down and talk I guess," he responded a little less emotionally than before.
"What are you going to say?"
"I have no idea..."
The opportunity to teach had come. Since he had been listened too - he was ready for some help in the matter. This colleague knew that we understood his point of view and he was ready to listen in return.
"Colleague," my manager started. "How about we look at it from the subordinates point of view. His prior experience is important to him. Where he came from is important to him. We can't disregard this and assume he will accept what we know as better. In essence we are telling him 'We are better.' and completely diminishing his previous experience in the process. Even if it's true - that is not the point. Instead of breaking down that experience and belittling it, use it as a spring board to reach an even higher level by working with him to refine his knowledge and experience. Value and add to it. Redirect in private as to not embarrass him and ask for his opinion on certain matters"
I could see the light bulbs coming on. All of a sudden it wasn't about "me" or "I" - but the "we." It was about seeing things from another person's point of view. In that moment my colleague started down the long hard road to emotional maturity.
We can't expect all those around us to be clear communicators. That's what the leaders in this world are for. Step outside yourself and emphatically listen to those around you. In the process - you will become a leader.
Friday, April 8, 2016
Saturday, April 2, 2016
Learning From Mistakes: Communication is the Key
Learning From Mistakes: Communication is the Key: Communication is the essence of what we do. Many might say it's the premier and most essential management trait. While I personally beli...
Communication is the Key
Communication is the essence of what we do. Many might say it's the premier and most essential management trait. While I personally believe our character ethic comes first - with out proper communication you can not and will not be an effective leader.
Why do people struggle with communication? It's my belief it comes from a couple deeply rooted psychological aspects.
1) Lack of Confidence - Maybe we struggle with articulation and feel we will be miss understood. We may fear the follow up questions that come next or how we will respond to disagreements. This relates to us all in some way or another as we all at some point second guess ourselves and limit our potential. We worry about other's perception and judgments.
2) Avoiding Confrontation - If what we are trying to communicate is feedback in some shape or form that critiques someone else there is a desire to avoid offending. How do we get our point across in an effective helpful way that will not make that individual defensive or upset?
Then there are those that will attempt to communicate but do it poorly. They offend others and are emotional in their communication. They may try any of the following:
1) Request's
2) Pleading
3) Reasoning
4) Bribing
5) Threatening
6) Overpowering
The problem with these techniques is they fail to address the core root of the problem. There is a true lack the emotional maturity that leads to the inability to understand the other person's point of view - which is the key to true communication.
I might take the advice of a pretty good teacher and leader from the past when communicating with another person. This advice may be the greatest leadership advice out there:
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
Try the following:
1) Listen and Connect. Earnestly listen to their concerns and connect with what they are saying. Don't just do it - encourage them to express any disagreements they may have. This gives you a chance to set an example on how to take feedback with a positive attitude.
2) Know the why's. Clearly explain why we do what we do. Explain in detail our purpose and reasoning. If you don't know why or there is not a crystal clear understanding on your part - then you are WRONG.
3) Compromise. Be willing to give and meet at a middle ground. I know this is difficult - but ask yourself "what is the greater good." Don't allow your ego to stand in the way of progress.
4) Be Accountable. Hold your subordinates accountable, but more importantly hold yourself accountable. Follow up where you say you will follow up. Call when you say you will call. Apologize if you make a mistake. Set the right example.
We will all error. Unfortunately its a fact of life. What matters is what you do next.
Why do people struggle with communication? It's my belief it comes from a couple deeply rooted psychological aspects.
1) Lack of Confidence - Maybe we struggle with articulation and feel we will be miss understood. We may fear the follow up questions that come next or how we will respond to disagreements. This relates to us all in some way or another as we all at some point second guess ourselves and limit our potential. We worry about other's perception and judgments.
2) Avoiding Confrontation - If what we are trying to communicate is feedback in some shape or form that critiques someone else there is a desire to avoid offending. How do we get our point across in an effective helpful way that will not make that individual defensive or upset?
Then there are those that will attempt to communicate but do it poorly. They offend others and are emotional in their communication. They may try any of the following:
1) Request's
2) Pleading
3) Reasoning
4) Bribing
5) Threatening
6) Overpowering
The problem with these techniques is they fail to address the core root of the problem. There is a true lack the emotional maturity that leads to the inability to understand the other person's point of view - which is the key to true communication.
I might take the advice of a pretty good teacher and leader from the past when communicating with another person. This advice may be the greatest leadership advice out there:
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
Try the following:
1) Listen and Connect. Earnestly listen to their concerns and connect with what they are saying. Don't just do it - encourage them to express any disagreements they may have. This gives you a chance to set an example on how to take feedback with a positive attitude.
2) Know the why's. Clearly explain why we do what we do. Explain in detail our purpose and reasoning. If you don't know why or there is not a crystal clear understanding on your part - then you are WRONG.
3) Compromise. Be willing to give and meet at a middle ground. I know this is difficult - but ask yourself "what is the greater good." Don't allow your ego to stand in the way of progress.
4) Be Accountable. Hold your subordinates accountable, but more importantly hold yourself accountable. Follow up where you say you will follow up. Call when you say you will call. Apologize if you make a mistake. Set the right example.
We will all error. Unfortunately its a fact of life. What matters is what you do next.
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