Attitude

We are in control of our environment. We are responsible for not letting our environment control us. Our attitude shapes our thoughts and as Lao Tzu once said...

"Beware of your thoughts, they become your words."

"Beware of your words, they become your actions."

"Beware of your actions, they become your habits."

"Beware of your habits, they become your character."

"Beware of your character, it becomes your destiny."

Thinking positive is an action that takes conscious effort. It's very easy to point to external forces and blame others for our short comings. It takes more character to look deep inside and try to pin point where YOU could have done better. Where YOU went wrong.

The irony in all this is that why it's easy to blame others for everything that is wrong in our life - it hinders our growth and development as a human being. Essentially blaming others gives you an excuse to not look inside yourself and grow. What do you really have to learn if it's everyone else's fault anyways?

By looking at yourself and accepting responsibility you have the opportunity to improve. You are able to 

1) Accept responsibility for your environment

2) Understand and learn from your past mistakes

3) Take action to make the wrong right

4) Create the environment you want.

While this is not easy and takes a tremendous amount of character it's the only way to create the environment you want around you. Remember that those around you are human too, and like you, will error. If you are never able to accept any kind of responsibility for your circumstances you only weaken the integrity of your personal development.

Positive thought attracts positive action. There are no boundaries to what you can accomplish. Look at all the ordinary people in this world that accomplish extraordinary feats. We set our own limits dependent upon our attitude.

As Michael Jordan once said...

"Because limits, like fears, are often an illusion."

Create the environment you want. Stay positive in your thought and action. Set no limit.

Accomplish anything. Peace.

Empathetic Listening

A manager was meeting with a colleague of mine today. He was frustrated with one of his subordinates inability to listen to the feedback and guidance he was trying to give.

"I don't know man. It's like he's already got it all figured out. He keep's saying 'I know' and not doing what I ask," he told me. Visibly frustrated by the clear lack of communication.

He went on for about 15 minutes expressing his frustration in numerous different way's. we listened and reacted to let him know that we understood his point of view by empathizing with what he was telling me. Finally my manager asked him a question.

"So what do you think we should do?"

"I don't know. Sit down and talk I guess," he responded a little less emotionally than before.

"What are you going to say?"

"I have no idea..."

The opportunity to teach had come. Since he had been listened too - he was ready for some help in the matter. This colleague knew that we understood his point of view and he was ready to listen in return.

"Colleague," my manager started. "How about we look at it from the subordinates point of view. His prior experience is important to him. Where he came from is important to him. We can't disregard this and assume he will accept what we know as better. In essence we are telling him 'We are better.' and completely diminishing his previous experience in the process.  Even if it's true - that is not the point. Instead of breaking down that experience and belittling it, use it as a spring board to reach an even higher level by working with him to refine his knowledge and experience. Value and add to it. Redirect in private as to not embarrass him and ask for his opinion on certain matters"

I could see the light bulbs coming on. All of a sudden it wasn't about "me" or "I" - but the "we." It was about seeing things from another person's point of view. In that moment my colleague started down the long hard road to emotional maturity.

We can't expect all those around us to be clear communicators. That's what the leaders in this world are for. Step outside yourself and emphatically listen to those around you. In the process - you will become a leader.

Learning From Mistakes: Communication is the Key

Learning From Mistakes: Communication is the Key: Communication is the essence of what we do. Many might say it's the premier and most essential management trait. While I personally beli...

Communication is the Key

Communication is the essence of what we do. Many might say it's the premier and most essential management trait. While I personally believe our character ethic comes first - with out proper communication you can not and will not be an effective leader.

Why do people struggle with communication? It's my belief it comes from a couple deeply rooted psychological aspects.

1) Lack of Confidence - Maybe we struggle with articulation and feel we will be miss understood. We may fear the follow up questions that come next or how we will respond to disagreements. This relates to us all in some way or another as we all at some point second guess ourselves and limit our potential. We worry about other's perception and judgments.
2) Avoiding Confrontation - If what we are trying to communicate is feedback in some shape or form that critiques someone else there is a desire to avoid offending. How do we get our point across in an effective helpful way that will not make that individual defensive or upset?

Then there are those that will attempt to communicate but do it poorly. They offend others and are emotional in their communication. They may try any of the following:

1) Request's
2) Pleading
3) Reasoning
4) Bribing
5) Threatening
6) Overpowering

The problem with these techniques is they fail to address the core root of the problem. There is a true lack the emotional maturity that leads to the inability to understand the other person's point of view - which is the key to true communication.

I might take the advice of a pretty good teacher and leader from the past when communicating with another person. This advice may be the greatest leadership advice out there:

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Try the following:

1) Listen and Connect. Earnestly listen to their concerns and connect with what they are saying. Don't just do it - encourage them to express any disagreements they may have. This gives you a chance to set an example on how to take feedback with a positive attitude.
2) Know the why's. Clearly explain why we do what we do. Explain in detail our purpose and reasoning. If you don't know why or there is not a crystal clear understanding on your part - then you are WRONG.
3) Compromise. Be willing to give and meet at a middle ground. I know this is difficult - but ask yourself "what is the greater good." Don't allow your ego to stand in the way of progress.
4) Be Accountable. Hold your subordinates accountable, but more importantly hold yourself accountable. Follow up where you say you will follow up. Call when you say you will call. Apologize if you make a mistake. Set the right example.

We will all error. Unfortunately its a fact of life. What matters is what you do next.

Conflict

I'm away from my family right now. I miss them. I'm quicker to anger and remember my past mistakes more easily. I feel confused and lost, not really sure which way to turn. My faith is shaken and my heart is heavy. I portray the incorrect self image through a false medium that on its own does not harm, but in the hands of the corrupt, creates corruption. How do I come back when I feel betrayed? How do I have faith?

Remembrance is fond, but confusing. I feel somehow connected to the past, I can feel something but can't quite remember. Remember what and why?

Who am I and where do I go from here? My, your, our, potential is unequivocal, or at least that is how I feel. What are we meant for and how do I know? No one will answer me, because every question just leads to more questions. Nothing is firm, I feel no more foundation.

One thing is for sure, I was different before. I'm not sure if that means better, because maybe we limit our potential through parameters. So maybe we must go through hell to get to heaven. Maybe, we just need to pick ourselves up, and understand our potential is nothing more then the conflict inside. How can I not be what I want, when what I want, is what we should all aspire to be? Are my intentions pure? I truly, honestly, don't know but would love to find out. How do I find out? But maybe more importantly, if they are not pure, how could I ever change?

The foundation of our being relies upon the conflict of faith. Faith sustains us, and mine is wavering. God help me. Help all of us help ourselves, in your infinite wisdom, teach me. I will listen, but I fear I have not the ears to hear. Thus my confusion, thus my lost direction, thus my conflict.

Justification

As I was driving, or more like crawling, down the freeway this morning I saw a motorcycle cop “fishing” for people driving in the car pool lane. He would stop and check his rear view mirror as cars passed, and every now and then he’d speed off after his “fish.” I’d watch him catch up to get a closer look at the car checking if they have two or more persons in the vehicle, most the time they did, so he would stop and wait again. After about 15 minutes he finally caught one, and as I drove by I caught a glimpse of the guilty party, no doubt frustrated, annoyed, and a little disappointed.

It made me wonder about this young lady that was pulled over. Doubtful to be her first time illegally using the car pool lane, when was the first time she decided to venture across the solid white line? No doubt that everyone else stuck in the traffic would rather be in that lane, but she was in such a hurry that first time, that she decided it was worth the risk. After all, it was only this once. I’m sure every time she was running behind it became a little easier to break the law. For some (and I don’t mean to pick on her, it very well may have been the first time she has done this, I’m certainly generalizing), they might hit snooze a few times in the morning and leave a little bit later with the thought in mind “oh if there’s a lot of traffic, I’ll just use the car pool once more. It didn’t hurt last time…”

This has got to be one of the great lies of life? We convince ourselves through reasoning, and eventually come to the conclusion that we want. We fail to properly examine what our conscience is trying  to tell us or why its so persistent. The famous philosopher, Immanuel Kant, explains that what makes us human is a need to “justify our actions.” Who are we justifying our actions too? We justify actions to ourselves only to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. For some amazing and wonderful reason we intuitively attempt to out reason our conscience and look back saying, “that was stupid, why did I do that?”  Maybe we might try quieting those “reasons“, and instead listen to the logic of our conscience.

What am I doing here?

I give a lot of thought to the purpose of life. You can ask people all over the world of different cultures and backgrounds and receive different answers. Some agree and some do not, but we all have to find a reason for our existence. Even the atheist must examine why he chooses to breath each day and struggle on through life despite its many difficulties. I believe in one way or another, its to have joy. At some point in every one of our lives we experience joy, and I’m not talking about pleasure. Pleasure is self seeking stimulation in our minds that allows us a euphoric feeling, joy is divine. There is patience and love that transcends normal human tendency with joy. If we seek we will find it, and if we knock it will be opened to us.

Life is about progression. We are all trying to learn and grow. Some things help that process, others hamper it. As we learn and understand who and what we are, the purpose of life, and how we can continue to progress we will grow closer to those things which help us feel more closely connected to spiritual matters. Through this understanding I know of no other way to experience true joy and have it permeate our lives. This does not mean there aren’t glimpses, or even other capable paths, but we are most likely to succeed with our lives centered and focused on Jesus Christ.  As I draw closer in understanding and spirit to God, I experience an increase in not just spirituality but more fulfilling and better relationships with all those around me.

I find it inspiring that The Master told us to “love one another, by this ye shall know ye are my disciples.” How prophetic and true the words ring true in my heart. I think of the religious zealotry and works of death administered in the name of God or those that persecute other faiths and their beliefs. How far away they really are from knowing our Heavenly Father. It is my firm knowledge that God does live and communicates with us daily, but individually, and as such we are all on different paths headed in the same direction. Love one another and true progress will be made in our lives and those around us.