I'm away from my family right now. I miss them. I'm quicker to anger and remember my past mistakes more easily. I feel confused and lost, not really sure which way to turn. My faith is shaken and my heart is heavy. I portray the incorrect self image through a false medium that on its own does not harm, but in the hands of the corrupt, creates corruption. How do I come back when I feel betrayed? How do I have faith?
Remembrance is fond, but confusing. I feel somehow connected to the past, I can feel something but can't quite remember. Remember what and why?
Who am I and where do I go from here? My, your, our, potential is unequivocal, or at least that is how I feel. What are we meant for and how do I know? No one will answer me, because every question just leads to more questions. Nothing is firm, I feel no more foundation.
One thing is for sure, I was different before. I'm not sure if that means better, because maybe we limit our potential through parameters. So maybe we must go through hell to get to heaven. Maybe, we just need to pick ourselves up, and understand our potential is nothing more then the conflict inside. How can I not be what I want, when what I want, is what we should all aspire to be? Are my intentions pure? I truly, honestly, don't know but would love to find out. How do I find out? But maybe more importantly, if they are not pure, how could I ever change?
The foundation of our being relies upon the conflict of faith. Faith sustains us, and mine is wavering. God help me. Help all of us help ourselves, in your infinite wisdom, teach me. I will listen, but I fear I have not the ears to hear. Thus my confusion, thus my lost direction, thus my conflict.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Justification
As I was driving, or more like crawling, down the freeway this morning I saw a motorcycle cop “fishing” for people driving in the car pool lane. He would stop and check his rear view mirror as cars passed, and every now and then he’d speed off after his “fish.” I’d watch him catch up to get a closer look at the car checking if they have two or more persons in the vehicle, most the time they did, so he would stop and wait again. After about 15 minutes he finally caught one, and as I drove by I caught a glimpse of the guilty party, no doubt frustrated, annoyed, and a little disappointed.
It made me wonder about this young lady that was pulled over. Doubtful to be her first time illegally using the car pool lane, when was the first time she decided to venture across the solid white line? No doubt that everyone else stuck in the traffic would rather be in that lane, but she was in such a hurry that first time, that she decided it was worth the risk. After all, it was only this once. I’m sure every time she was running behind it became a little easier to break the law. For some (and I don’t mean to pick on her, it very well may have been the first time she has done this, I’m certainly generalizing), they might hit snooze a few times in the morning and leave a little bit later with the thought in mind “oh if there’s a lot of traffic, I’ll just use the car pool once more. It didn’t hurt last time…”
This has got to be one of the great lies of life? We convince ourselves through reasoning, and eventually come to the conclusion that we want. We fail to properly examine what our conscience is trying to tell us or why its so persistent. The famous philosopher, Immanuel Kant, explains that what makes us human is a need to “justify our actions.” Who are we justifying our actions too? We justify actions to ourselves only to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. For some amazing and wonderful reason we intuitively attempt to out reason our conscience and look back saying, “that was stupid, why did I do that?” Maybe we might try quieting those “reasons“, and instead listen to the logic of our conscience.
It made me wonder about this young lady that was pulled over. Doubtful to be her first time illegally using the car pool lane, when was the first time she decided to venture across the solid white line? No doubt that everyone else stuck in the traffic would rather be in that lane, but she was in such a hurry that first time, that she decided it was worth the risk. After all, it was only this once. I’m sure every time she was running behind it became a little easier to break the law. For some (and I don’t mean to pick on her, it very well may have been the first time she has done this, I’m certainly generalizing), they might hit snooze a few times in the morning and leave a little bit later with the thought in mind “oh if there’s a lot of traffic, I’ll just use the car pool once more. It didn’t hurt last time…”
This has got to be one of the great lies of life? We convince ourselves through reasoning, and eventually come to the conclusion that we want. We fail to properly examine what our conscience is trying to tell us or why its so persistent. The famous philosopher, Immanuel Kant, explains that what makes us human is a need to “justify our actions.” Who are we justifying our actions too? We justify actions to ourselves only to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. For some amazing and wonderful reason we intuitively attempt to out reason our conscience and look back saying, “that was stupid, why did I do that?” Maybe we might try quieting those “reasons“, and instead listen to the logic of our conscience.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
What am I doing here?
I give a lot of thought to the purpose of life. You can ask people all over the world of different cultures and backgrounds and receive different answers. Some agree and some do not, but we all have to find a reason for our existence. Even the atheist must examine why he chooses to breath each day and struggle on through life despite its many difficulties. I believe in one way or another, its to have joy. At some point in every one of our lives we experience joy, and I’m not talking about pleasure. Pleasure is self seeking stimulation in our minds that allows us a euphoric feeling, joy is divine. There is patience and love that transcends normal human tendency with joy. If we seek we will find it, and if we knock it will be opened to us.
Life is about progression. We are all trying to learn and grow. Some things help that process, others hamper it. As we learn and understand who and what we are, the purpose of life, and how we can continue to progress we will grow closer to those things which help us feel more closely connected to spiritual matters. Through this understanding I know of no other way to experience true joy and have it permeate our lives. This does not mean there aren’t glimpses, or even other capable paths, but we are most likely to succeed with our lives centered and focused on Jesus Christ. As I draw closer in understanding and spirit to God, I experience an increase in not just spirituality but more fulfilling and better relationships with all those around me.
I find it inspiring that The Master told us to “love one another, by this ye shall know ye are my disciples.” How prophetic and true the words ring true in my heart. I think of the religious zealotry and works of death administered in the name of God or those that persecute other faiths and their beliefs. How far away they really are from knowing our Heavenly Father. It is my firm knowledge that God does live and communicates with us daily, but individually, and as such we are all on different paths headed in the same direction. Love one another and true progress will be made in our lives and those around us.
Life is about progression. We are all trying to learn and grow. Some things help that process, others hamper it. As we learn and understand who and what we are, the purpose of life, and how we can continue to progress we will grow closer to those things which help us feel more closely connected to spiritual matters. Through this understanding I know of no other way to experience true joy and have it permeate our lives. This does not mean there aren’t glimpses, or even other capable paths, but we are most likely to succeed with our lives centered and focused on Jesus Christ. As I draw closer in understanding and spirit to God, I experience an increase in not just spirituality but more fulfilling and better relationships with all those around me.
I find it inspiring that The Master told us to “love one another, by this ye shall know ye are my disciples.” How prophetic and true the words ring true in my heart. I think of the religious zealotry and works of death administered in the name of God or those that persecute other faiths and their beliefs. How far away they really are from knowing our Heavenly Father. It is my firm knowledge that God does live and communicates with us daily, but individually, and as such we are all on different paths headed in the same direction. Love one another and true progress will be made in our lives and those around us.
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